The Matrix Rewritten
by Monarch of Halo
Summary: A parody of the first movie. Not really easy to explain, and talk is cheap, so just please Read and Review!
1. Phone Call

THE MATRIX REWRITTEN

CHAPTER 1: PHONE CALL

PG-13

A series of letters and numbers runs across a blank screen.

Cypher – Hello?

Trinity – Is everything in place?

Cypher – You weren't supposed to relieve me.

Trinity – I know but I felt like taking a shit.

Cypher – What!

Trinity – I meant, a shift.

Cypher – Right….

Awkward Silence

Trinity – Say something, bitch!

Cypher – Fine! You like him, don't you? Watching him?

Trinity – What's it to ya hoe? So what if I do?

Cypher hangs up.

Trinity – Oh I KNOW you DIDN'T! Oh, oh, oh! OOOOHHHH!

-Phone Rings, Trinity Picks Up-

Trinity – If you hang up on me again I will kick your ass!

Cheesecake Guy – Hello is this Mrs. Trinity? I'm coming to deliver your cheesecake.

Trinity – Ooh yay!

-Cheesecake guy walks in and hands her cheesecake and she pays him 10-

-He leaves and she shoves the cheesecake down her throat and grins goofily-

Trinity – Mmmmm… Cheesecake!

-Phone Rings and Trinity Answers-

Cypher – Hello?

Trinity – Hi! How are you?

Cypher – You had cheesecake, didn't you?

Trinity – Ummmmm…….. No?

Cypher – Liar. Anyway, do you think he is the One?

Trinity – Umm… Uh… Umm… Uh… Umm… Uh… Umm… -drools- Umm… Not Really, No.

Cypher – Ok.

-BEEP-

Trinity – What was that?

Cypher – Oh that's the microwave! Yay! Bagel Bites! Wheee! And I've got cheesecake!

Trinity – Oh you whore! Are you sure this line is clean?

Cypher – I don't know! Do they have housekeepers for phone lines! I don't know so don't ask me!

Trinity – Lose the attitude and get me an exit.

Cypher – You're at one.

Trinity – Then make the call!

Cypher – Then hang up the phone!

Trinity – You dumb bitch! It's this phone?

Cypher -Crunch, Crunch- Mmm… Bagel Bites! Umm, yeah. Hang up and shut your mouth and I'll make the call.

-She hangs up-

Trinity – Man Whore.

-Phone rings, she answers, and disappears from the Matrix. -


	2. The White Trailer Trash

THE MATRIX REWRITTEN

CHAPTER 2: THE WHITE TRAILER TRASH

PG13

-Camera focuses in on Neo sleeping in front of his computer; spice girls music is playing in his headphones. All of a sudden, his computer screen turns black-

Hello, Neo.

-Neo wakes up-

Neo – What the hell?

-Neo hits ctrl-x-

The Matrix has you, Neo

-Neo hits ESC-

Hump, hump Neo

-There are two humping sounds at the door-

Neo – Right…

-Neo gets up and goes to the door; he looks through the peephole-

Neo – Who is it?

RedHairGuy – Red Hair Guy.

Neo – Whatever.

-Neo opens the door-

Neo – Got the money?

RedHairGuy – 10,000 yen.

-Neo takes the money from him. He walks over to a shelf and pulls out a woman's romance novel and starts reading-

10 minutes later

RedHairGuy – What the fuck are you doing, bitch? Hurry up!

Neo – Huh? Wha? Oh yeah!

-Neo puts away the romance novel and pulls out Homer's _Odyssey _and opens it. He takes a disk out of it and walks back over to the door. He gives RedHairGuy the disk-

RedHairGuy – Gracias amigo! Estoy muy de alegre ahora! Es un muy bien dia!

Neo – This is The Matrix, not the Univision Channel.

RedHairGuy – Oh. Hey man, you look paler than usual.

Neo – My computer is possessed.

RedHairGuy – That that would make me look pale, too. Oh wait, I already am. Do you want to go with us to this really freaky club?

Neo – I've got work tomorrow.

ChineseLookingChickw/RedHairGuy – Come on, it'll be fun!

-Neo sees a tattoo of a man wearing a wifebeater drinking a cheap beer outside of a shitty rusted trailer on her arm-

Neo – Yeah, sure, I'll go.

ChineseLookingChickw/RedHairGuy – Yay! Oh, do you like my white trailer trash? Yeah its like so cool!

Neo – Umm… yeah. Let's go with that.


	3. The Club

THE MATRIX REWRITTEN

CHAPTER 3: THE CLUB

PG13

-Neo is leaning up against a wall in a club-

-Trinity walks up to him-

Trinity – Hello, Neo.

Neo – How do you know that name?

Trinity – I know a lot about you Neo. I know that you like to dance in chicken suits while singing, "Carry on my Wayward Son" by Kansas.

Neo – What? How did you find that out?

-Trinity bitch-slaps him-

Trinity – You just told me, bitch!

Neo – Um, yeah. Well, anyway, back on topic… Who are you?

Trinity – My name is Trinity. And, yes, before you ask, I am the Trinity that cracked the IRS D-base.

Neo – Wow, you have SPE, too.

Trinity – That's ESP, and I don't have it. But you will have a GKIA if you don't shutup!

Neo – Oooh, what's that?

-Trinity gives him a good kick in the ass-

Trinity – It stands for Good Kick In the Ass!

-Neo cries a little-

Neo – Ok. Anyway. Oh Jesus.

Trinity – What?

Neo – I just… I thought you were a guy.

-Trinity bitch-slaps him again-

Trinity – I'm not a guy! You're the transsexual!

Neo – Why you gotta be so cold like that! I swear… So that was you on my computer? How did you do that?

Trinity – All I can tell you is that you are in danger. I brought you here to warm you, Neo.

Neo – What?

Trinity – Oh, sorry. I like warming people. It's fun. But I meant warn.

Neo – Oh. Well, warm me of what?

Trinity – What?

Neo – Oh, sorry. I meant warn.

Trinity – Oh. Anyway, they're watching you, Neo.

Neo – Who?

-Trinity leans into his ear-

Trinity – Please, just listen. I know why you're here, Neo. I know what you've been doing.

Neo – Yeah, I'm here because you told me to follow the white trailer trash! Oh, and do you know what I did last summer?

Trinity – Yeah, that was kind of obvious. And, no I don't, and I don't really care.

Neo – Worth a try.

Trinity – I know why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night you sit at your computer. YOU LOOK AT NAKED PICTURES OF MORPHEUS!

-Music stops in the club, and everyone looks at Neo-

Trinity – JUST KIDDING!

Neo – You do realize that you did all of that screaming directly into my ear?

Trinity – Well, that's the writer's fault.

Monarch of Halo – Shutup.

Trinity – Anyway… You're looking for him. I know because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn't really looking for him; I was looking for naked pictures of him.

Neo – What!

Trinity – Just kidding. Anyway, I was looking for an answer. It's the question that drives us, Neo. It's the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I once did.

Neo – What is the Fatrix?

-Trinity bitch slaps him with both hands-

Trinity – That was stupid and completely random. But once again, that's the writer's fault.

Monarch of Halo – Once again, shutup.

Trinity – Anyway, what the hell is a Fatrix?

Neo – I don't know, that's why I asked! Oh! The question you mean is 'What is the Matrix?'

Trinity – No, I meant 'What is the Fatrix?'

Neo – WAIT, you're confusing me!

-Trinity bitch-slaps him with both hands again-

Trinity – The question is 'What is the Matrix?'

Neo – Oh.

Trinity – The answer is out there, Neo. It's looking for you. And it will find you, if you want it to.

-Trinity walks away-


End file.
